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HOME SWEET... HUH? Newest Whispering Pines Resident Just Realized He Moved To a Drug Mecca

May 1, 2017

Tom (Last name protected) moved in to the Whispering Pines neighborhood about a week ago. He was excited to start his new life here in St. Augustine, and couldn’t believe the price he found for a relatively new apartment.

 

But it didn’t take long before he started getting subtle hints about the living conditions he committed to for the next 6 months. 

 

“I started noticing little things” said Tom. “ Burn marks in most of the carpets, little pieces of brillo pads in the bathrooms. I just convinced myself that the former tenants must have been obsessive about cleaning up after they smoked their cigarettes.”

 

However, he was sure of his mistake after the security guard was beaten and resigned (From her hospital bed) just 5 days in to his residency.

 

“It was bad. Plus there’s a rumor going around that the guys who did it threaten every new applicant for the job"

 

As gunshots rang out during this portion of the interview, Tom never flinched, instead calmly turned to our crew and told us, "That was just my neighbor shooting a hooker. That’s what he’s in to. Apparently the girls know what they’re in for and specialize in that stuff. He’s never killed one. Since I’ve been here at least."

 

After getting unexpectedly robbed in the middle of the interview, we decided we should wrap with a final question.

 

Will you die here before your lease is up? Or do you think you’ll be a hardened criminal by the time this is all over?

 

"Honestly I don’t know” he said. “I’ve completely lost all faith in humanity this last week.”

 

 

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