Chick-fil-a is coming under fire after it was uncovered this week that they were manufacturing potentially deadly employees in a lab right here in St. Augustine. The factory was located in a quarantined area of the old Ponce Mall.
A whistleblower at the factory is quoted as saying the truth would have come out eventually. All the kids act like robots, looked like Disney channel characters, and were never seen outside Chick-fil-a.
Sources also say that when the robot human hybrids finish their missions for the day, they are attached to charging ports inside the catering vans, and are shown endless episodes of Teletubbies, in order to absorb the characters’ mannerisms.
In a statement, Chick-fil-a CEO Dan Cathy said, “There’s nothing at all to worry about. Our employees meet all specifications to fully qualify as humans. We strive to serve our customers in the best, and most efficient ways possible, and our employees are fully compliant with the food and drug administration rules and regulations, as well as department of defense specifications. You can feel safe knowing that if anything does go wrong in one of our restaurants, our employees are equipped with military grade weaponry, and they themselves can quickly be converted into mercenary soldiers. Is it possible to convert them all at once with the flip of a switch and take over the entire planet within moments? Absolutely, I have a completely unstoppable force at my disposal that rivals all the militaries of the world combined. but I would never dream of doing such a thing.” Promised Cathy.